Western legend has John Colter, in October 1808, outrunning half the Blackfeet nation on his way to a 210 mile journey from the Three Forks of the Missouri River to Manual Lisa’s post at the confluence of the Yellowstone (Elk) and Big Horn Rivers (sans clothing and footwear, I must add). Let’s get real Ladies and Gentleman. 6,000+ years of running after and from buffalo resulted in an extraordinarily fleet breed of human being. In addition, the Blackfeet were fully equestrian at this time. Now, “to set the record straight”, I introduce to you, Adam Old Man’s Son!

My name is Adam Old Man’s Son
I’ve seen four hundred springs
I’m what you’d call an oral historian
By nature do I sing
And now it’s time to set the record straight
About John Colter’s run
The tale that spun forth from his lips
Was stitched with buffalo chips

The story of Sir Colter’s run
It happened quite like this
The penalty for trapping sa-we-ta-pi **
For Colter’s pal was swift
But cold lips speak not of why
Or what in truth or lies,
So ask not why one life was spared
John was freed to advertise

North of the Country of the Plains Cheyenne
Out west of the Bands of the Sioux
We Blackfeet would defend our range
What else could Old Man’s people do?
We knew the trickle would become a flood
If no tales were exchanged
So we chose to turn him loose
Wearing nothing but his birthday suit

He stumbled through our cheering camp
The kids threw sticks and bones
It didn’t seem like he had a higher gear
That he could call his own
Then he saw the knife of Beaver Son
Whose parents had been slain
It’s blade was Hudson tungsten
Then Johnny hit the overdrive lane

North of the Country of the Plains Cheyenne
Out west of the Bands of the Sioux
We Blackfeet would defend our range
What else could Napi’s children do?
Like a slow jackrabbit, Johnny scampered off
To the valley of the Elk River sun
Hot rays braised his bum
Antelopa lika he dida run

Our minds sometimes scramble
fact with fiction from our dreams
Especially when the tummy
Has been deprived of tasty filling things
Our stumbling, blathering barefoot sign
That we hoped would keep out
Became a frontier hero
It’s enough to make 'Old Man' pout!

North of the Country of the Plains Cheyenne
Out west of the Bands of the Sioux
We Blackfeet would defend our range
What else could Napi’s children do?
We knew the trickle would become a flood
If no tales were exchanged
So we chose to turn him loose
Wearing nothing but his birthday suit

North of the Country of the Plains Cheyenne
Out west of the Bands of the Sioux
We Blackfeet were set to defend our range
What else could Napi’s people do?
Our barefoot scheme to advertise
Backfired into HIS STORY
And to tell the honest truth
We never should have turned him loose

You know, we never should'a turned him loose!

**(Blackfeet word for Underwater Person-Beaver)